Friday, February 7, 2014

THE COMING OUT.

Hello ...

Today isn*t one of the days I post something really creative, it is just some kind of "apology", even though it goes much deeper than this. I am currently wondering whether there really is a link between something like creativity in a general way AND being extremely depressive from time to time, and no, I do not mean "depressed" but really "depressive".

It somehow reminds me of the 99U talk Brené Brown has given which was posted on Youtube, even though it is really a question that is on my mind a lot. The talk is about creativity and vulnerability, and maybe this vulnerability is linked to being depressive in the first place. However, I don*t want to really put everything of this in the same box.

Somehow, I have been struggling with depression and it really kept me away from doing something I*d enjoy doing. I don*t know whether you know this, but when I personally am in a dark place mentally, I think I don*t deserve being happy, or I think that I don*t want to make a mess doing things I actually love doing, like, if I wrote a song in this state of mind, it would feel like being violent towards music, and this is a thing I don*t want to end up doing because music is important to me.

I really don*t mean to talk about stripping down to your soul and telling me what you are struggling with, unless you*d like to tell me, but ... It has been on my mind. Probably because I*d feel better then, because this would mean I have something I could always be proud of (But then again, how should I know this is me when I am never *doing* it?). Probably because it really is something that could help others because they*d understand themselves better.

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