The Importance of Making Time for Yourself.

Bonjour honey =).

Last Monday (As in, "the day before yesterday"...), I decided in favour of creating a schedule for fitting my hobbies into my day, and thus far I really did it AND enjoyed it. I must say, there is more to this kind of "system" than meets the eye at first, because I also am tracking my progress & whatever I learned along the way. I watch tutorials / lessons in certain areas of interest in order to really learn something along the way... I track the video name & the one who's responsible for uploading & creating said videos.

Then, I take notes of whatever I am told... It is a bit like at school and/or university; I am responsible for whatever I learn or don't... Thus far, I took virtual lessons in Finnish, drawing, Japanese & journalism. Plus, I wrote a poem, which I will share in a minute, and interpreted a tarot card for my friends & followers on IG. I am doing my best to really fit everything in, and I am allowed to change things around as I go, too.

What I learned today is that there are really so many fields you actually should rely on your knowledge & whatever it is you actually can do, rather than what you have been told & taught at uni (That maybe didn't really seem interesting at all...). And I feel there is so much truth to this, though I feel there are still jobs out there you need a degree for (Doctors of all kinds...) - however, some fields I feel it is not necessary to really "study". There are of course benefits, but the education system is partly really screwed... And so, I feel there is some truth to "Fake it until you make it." :) Just start seeing the spark in yourself, going "I am an artist / a writer / a musician / etc.!", and take it to the next level.

As for the poem I wrote... There was a really nice (AND CUTE!) encounter I recently had with a ladybug. :) The little one didn't want to leave my arm / hands, not even when I tried putting them onto a leaf and other really nice green places around me. I even looked up what kind of ladybug it was, and ended up writing a poem when I was home again. Here it goes (I haven't written poems for so long now, though. I hope you like it.):

Ladybug

The ladybug is smooth, not smug,

She flies from you to me.

"Greetings friend! I'll bring you luck,

Just believe and see!"

Once she leaves your hands alone,

You wonder where she's flying,

Heading off to what you've shown,

Sitting on leaves, sighing:

"I'll bring this person luck and wonders,

Just if they treat me right.

Maybe joy, or health," she ponders.

"And love - all day and night."

As for the drawings, what I practiced mostly was where shadows are located & how to sketch the right way (Many little lines except for one rough line on its own.), which helped immensely, too. I mainly drew round objects and how the shadow was building below / on them. And I tried drawing a tree & a glass that was standing near me on the table. Hm. Keep going, will you! ;)

Other than that, I have nothing to say. Today's goals I already completed. Tomorrow will be an astrology day & a crafting / sewing, etc.-kind of day, and the day after, I want to focus on numerology & music making.

Have you ever done something like this? Did it help you? (As for me, it is an act of self-care & stabilising my mood.) Do you have any pieces of advice for me?

Have a lovely day & See you soon!

~R i n a.

Am I doing this right?

Hey!

How are you all? I hope you are all fine :). I feel incredibly lucky and happy, and this has been going on for quite some time now, which is surprising to me as well. I know I never really talked about the topic of mental health and I don't know how much I will get into this topic as of now, but I feel like talking about it, so why not?

Okay, so: I have been diagnosed with a psychotic episode in 2004, and in 2006 I experienced the second one. However, I must also say that ever since I was about 10 years old, I felt not really happy with myself. I don't know what to say about this; I don't want to trigger anybody, but let's just say I started early on doing things to myself that were not very "nice"... I never really overcame this mentality of self-destruction, and never actively really tried to get over it. Okay, I *did* try out living with the LOA and tried living 28 days just giving stuff to others, but I always slid back into my mindset of being worthless, dumb, uninspired, neither creative nor intelligent and so on. It was very hard to live wiht this, especially since I did try to help people who were going through similar stuff in their life, and I felt a bit like a hypocrite (No offense to the people I mean at this point; YOU REALLY ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE AND I AM INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL FOR HAVING YOU IN MY LIFE!!).

So after having hit the ground in December 2015 again, which I will not go into greater detail now about, I somehow had my mood lifted again, and I don't really know what did this or why? I mean, I really engaged in more fun activities, I drew or painted or sang or whatever-ed whenever I felt like it. Also, as I told you already, I picked up language practice and made some progress with this now, too :). When I felt like, "Oh I want to do XYZ!", I moved things around until I was able to... I even participated in said competition, and even though I didn't win in the end, I did feel good about it, because I did have the courage to send the poem away!

I don't want to claim this IS the key to overcoming mental illness in general, but (a) I feel more open toward seeking for help actively now, and (b) it helped me to just engage in some activities without overthinking stuff. I know this is really hard to do, especially when you are stuck or having depression, when you feel like everything you loved doing loses its meaning and you just want to lie around and do nothing (At least it was like this to me; my favourite activities started meaning less and less to me, but I forced myself to remember and think it through then, and I *always* came to the conclusion my heart was yearning for making music, which, in turn, made me happy again and made me stand up again.). But yeah, of course I am not you; I don't know what you need in all cases. I just wanted to write this, and maybe some of you who are going through a particularly tough time in their lives will find the will to get out of there, too.

I cannot say I am 100% recovered of course, and it will take a long time to overcome ways of thinking I kept "dearly" to myself for almost 22 years now, but right now, I feel like it is worth it. Creativity has a healing effect sometimes, it is unbelievable... :) If you DO want to know something or comment with your concerns or whatever, please do so. I really don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but ---- please don't give up. I know I don't know you all personally, but I strongly feel it is saddening I don't. Why? Because everybody has an enormous potential for personal growth, for creative endeavors, for making the world a better place inside of them, and I firmly believe this... Everybody is worth getting to know, everybody is worth speaking to. And I really believe that everybody has a piece of the puzzle hidden in their hearts, thus being an important part of the world's population... This includes YOU, too, my dear reader! :)

I don't really know what else to write about... There are so many things I could do, but right now, my possibly biggest wish is to go to bed (it is half past 11pm now)... The sleepiness is probably also the reason this sounds very weird now altogether, but I really mean it! You. are. special. A special little snowflake, if you wish. Whatever you want to be, it is a part of you already!

Okay, my bed is calling me, and I guess this is just a sign of being tired (Thanks for reading, though!)!

~S. R.

PS: I also learned that doing stuff because I want to do it & NOT to fill entries in my blog(s) is the best way to go. :)

PPS: Please comment with any feedback if you have that. Just constructive criticism, please, though. Thanks.