RSLB, home improvement and bad news.

Hello.

I haven*t been around much and I am sorry for this. However, I wanted to tell you some things that have been going on in my life/our lives lately.

One of our cats got very ill, and after several days he spent at the vet and his feet all being paralysed in the end and him being in pain, he was put to sleep. The doctor said it is possible that he had a meningitis or maybe a moving thrombus, but either way it was really painful for him ... He was 12 years old when he went over the rainbowbridge and has been my feline companion ever since he was three months old. I miss him a lot ... I am not crying that much anymore, but this doesn*t mean he isn*t missing. Everything reminds me of him. But somehow my own belief is giving me strength - which I won*t go into detail with now, because belief is something very personal and I respect that others may not have the same ideas of the afterlife as I do.

Then, we did a lot of DIY work at home. Lots of work like building up furniture again and painting walls. I didn*t do much of all that, though, but I am still kind of pleased with the results, plus the colour in the kitchen is really lovely and warm.

And I am working on a scrapbook-kind of project. Maybe you have heard from Gala Darling before; she is one of my favourite bloggers :). She also is the one innitiating the Radical Self-Love movement, and also came up with the idea to start a Radical Self-Love Bible, which is the project I am working on. The only downside I have come across thus far is that I used too much glue and the sides are stuck together now? I will maybe remove them and tear them apart again, and then "glue" them in with some kind of poster strips. Sounds like a better idea to me? Or maybe glue stick instead ... :\ I loved the work on it so far, though. :)

For those interested, here*s a link to the Radical Self-Love movement and several texts on that subject for that matter ^^ : *Clickedy Click*.

Attention seeker?

Recently, I saw a poetry contest on the website of one of the most popular women*s magazines in Germany, and even though I did not really read through what you could get as a prize (I*ve done so by now, though), I decided to join in and post a poem by me. The subject had to be linked to the topic of spring, and once I submitted my poem, I waited and waited and waited, and still didn*t see anybody voting my poem up.

"Unbelievable!" I thought, and I got really bitter. I started blaming not only myself but also everybody reading the poem and not voting up, especially since I felt like this step provided me with confrontation, as in, I felt like opening up my chest, grabbing my heart, and holding it up for others to maybe take it and love it, or to just trample it down, and the final feeling was : They chose the second option.

By now one person has pushed the "LIKE" button, but there are a myriad other pages filled with poems now and I guess, that was that? Or maybe not. I somehow feel like taking part in another competition, and another one, and another one, so many that I finally feel like I am contributing something that was made by me to everybody else, and I came to see by now that, well, who cares if people hit the "LIKE" button or not?! And who cares if I win the trip to the garden show?! I mean, it would be nice, of course, but it is not what defines me in the end.

I felt like I wasted so much time up to now, or I spent it shivering and shaking and being afraid of the "coming out" as an artist. I now feel like time*s shifting in my favour, whatsoever. No matter how many people*ll read and like what I wrote, it still is a part of me, and I am damn proud of taking this challenge!!

And, frankly, there is so much tough competition between creative people already, and people seem to define themselves concerning the amount of "likes" they got for their art, but one "like" cannot speak for how it made YOU feel in the first place to create this piece of art/writing/music/whatever. And that*s probably the most important thing. I once read you should not compare the entire path that led you towards your current self with the (seemingly path-less) present of somebody else.

So, there is no plan anymore. I want to try out things, experiment, and find myself in the mess I am creating :D. And I am pretty damn sure I will be very, very happy with this. *nods*

~The person who doesn*t make any sense.