Spellbound...

Hey-dee-ho my dears!

How have you all been doing? I have got some news for you... Maybe not really intriguing, but still NEWS.

At first, I participated in this years NaNoWriMo. I made it through the first days, and wrote most likely about half the words expected (Currently, I am unsure, but I wrote more than 25,000 words). I hope if anybody of you guys participated, that you had a great time; it was surely great for me. There were various reasons I didn't write more, though. I felt like a real failure afterwards, because I didn't make it, but I really had a hard time coming up with much else. I felt that the story I wrote was finished after these 25,000+ words I wrote, too. All in all, it was a dilemma, but I loved getting to write that much :)... Now I am thinking about really revisiting the story, working on it more, and still, well, finishing it? And that is probably the best outcome I could have gotten from NaNoWriMo.

Also, one of the personal conclusions I got off the challenge was that it is not a bad thing to be "not in control" of one's life that much, that, in fact, it is the best way to re-kindle with all kinds of passions one has in life. :) Maybe some of you felt the same, especially since i did not really have a "guideline" for my story, which may also have been a bit tough in the end, but still!

Has anybody of you participated? Did you learn anything from participating (now or beforehand)? I'd really love to hear about that.

Then, I finished one more item off my 101/1001 list (writing 10 poems). That poem which got me there, is the following (translation below as always!):
 

Ein Schritt zurück

Fuß um Fuß setz' ich nach vorne
Dennoch gehe leer ich aus
Ich sage, spreche, rede immer
Doch geh'n mir nie die Wörter aus

Ich sage "nein", will nicht verletzen
Beleidigt geht er nur nach haus
Ich sage "ja", will niemand töten
Weinend reißt sie sich heraus

Ich tue nichts und tue alles
Und sehe jeden Fehler ein
Ich wünschte nur, da wären keine
Ich fühl' mich nutzlos und so klein

Fuß um Fuß setz' ich nach vorne
Schwöre mir, nie steh'n zu bleiben
Die Warnung überhör' ich wirklich
Will keine Sorg' mir einverleiben

Fuß um Fuß, die Strecke lang
Wie lang muss ich noch gehen?
Jeder Schritt ein Schritt zurück
Wann seh' ich Fahnen wehen?

Fuß um Fuß, Leben geht weiter
Die Angst ist ein beliebter Gast
Fuß um Fuß, hinab die Leiter
Solange bis man sich selbst hasst

Jeder Schritt ein Schritt zurück
Ins Land, in dem ich noch Mut hatte
In dem die Fehler mich nicht störten
Wann ich eintreffe, wär mir Latte

Doch leider geht das Leben rund
Ich steh' daneben, am Abgrund
Ich will doch leben, eine Stund
Keine Fehler und kein Mund

***

Translation (rough!):

A step back

Step by step I'm walking onwards
But I am walking empty-handed nevertheless
I am saying, speaking, talking always
But never I am short of words

I'm saying "no", don't want to harm
He's returning home offendedly
I'm saying "yes", don't want to murder
She's removing herself, crying

I'm doing nothing and doing it all
And admitting every mistake (I make)
I only wish there wouldn't be any
I'm feeling useless and so small

Step by step I'm walking onwards
Swearing to myself not to come to a stop
I'm really ignoring the warning
Don't want to swallow any sorrow

Step by step, the path long
How long do I have to walk on?
Every step a step back
When will I see flags waving?

Step by step, life goes on
The fear is a popular guest
Step by step, down the ladder
Until one hates oneself

Every step a step back
Into the land where I had courage
Where the mistakes didn't matter
The time of arrival wouldn't matter to me

However sadly, life goes round
I'm standing (somewhere) off, at the abyss
I just want to live, for an hour
No mistakes and no mouth

***

So, that's that for now. As X-mas is approaching, I wish each and everyone reading the best X-mas (whether you celebrate it or not) EVER :D.

Love,

~R.