Up for some challenges?

[Is this an April Fool's joke :P...? NO IT'S NOT!!]

Hello my dears!

How are you all? I hope everything is okay. Once again, I participated in the "100 Bilder - 100 Geschichten" competition. I am kind of nervous once again, but I don't want to think about it too much as it is just a writing challenge. :) And I really am in the mood of "I want to participate in more challenges now!".

I know that NaNoWriMo will not be any sooner than November. I know that the February Album Writing Month is over for now, too. But I did find some inspirations on challenges, and I will most likely make something out of this. Meaning: There will HOPEFULLY be more posts in the future.

One mistake I don't want to make all over again, however, is to "take breaks" because these "breaks" usually lead to a prolongued time when I feel like, "Meh, I don't want to create anything!", so I will... Make sure I get a decent amount of rest and pauses, but I will try to keep being on track. :) You will learn about the challenges altogether soon-ish. Ah yes, and concerning my participation in the "100 Bilder - 100 Geschichten" competition; I cannot show you the thing I wrote before the beginning of May, so please be patient.

Other than that, I read the following article yesterday and it really inspired me (I even dreamed of recording a demo CD and trying to find out whom to send it to afterwards when I was asleep.): J. K. Rowling inspiring us to keep going, despite being turned down by publishers.

To be honest, I think this can apply to so many publishers of creative content - not just in the written form. And it even counts for ANY dream job one may have, because even then you often depend on the decision of somebody else... Sometimes it is the decision to let you study the field you have chosen, sometimes it is the decision of a future employer, and so on. I think the entire article just screams "DON'T GIVE UP!" from the top of its lungs (if it HAD lungs!)... So, yeah, don't give up. I won't either. :)

Am I doing this right?

Hey!

How are you all? I hope you are all fine :). I feel incredibly lucky and happy, and this has been going on for quite some time now, which is surprising to me as well. I know I never really talked about the topic of mental health and I don't know how much I will get into this topic as of now, but I feel like talking about it, so why not?

Okay, so: I have been diagnosed with a psychotic episode in 2004, and in 2006 I experienced the second one. However, I must also say that ever since I was about 10 years old, I felt not really happy with myself. I don't know what to say about this; I don't want to trigger anybody, but let's just say I started early on doing things to myself that were not very "nice"... I never really overcame this mentality of self-destruction, and never actively really tried to get over it. Okay, I *did* try out living with the LOA and tried living 28 days just giving stuff to others, but I always slid back into my mindset of being worthless, dumb, uninspired, neither creative nor intelligent and so on. It was very hard to live wiht this, especially since I did try to help people who were going through similar stuff in their life, and I felt a bit like a hypocrite (No offense to the people I mean at this point; YOU REALLY ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE AND I AM INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL FOR HAVING YOU IN MY LIFE!!).

So after having hit the ground in December 2015 again, which I will not go into greater detail now about, I somehow had my mood lifted again, and I don't really know what did this or why? I mean, I really engaged in more fun activities, I drew or painted or sang or whatever-ed whenever I felt like it. Also, as I told you already, I picked up language practice and made some progress with this now, too :). When I felt like, "Oh I want to do XYZ!", I moved things around until I was able to... I even participated in said competition, and even though I didn't win in the end, I did feel good about it, because I did have the courage to send the poem away!

I don't want to claim this IS the key to overcoming mental illness in general, but (a) I feel more open toward seeking for help actively now, and (b) it helped me to just engage in some activities without overthinking stuff. I know this is really hard to do, especially when you are stuck or having depression, when you feel like everything you loved doing loses its meaning and you just want to lie around and do nothing (At least it was like this to me; my favourite activities started meaning less and less to me, but I forced myself to remember and think it through then, and I *always* came to the conclusion my heart was yearning for making music, which, in turn, made me happy again and made me stand up again.). But yeah, of course I am not you; I don't know what you need in all cases. I just wanted to write this, and maybe some of you who are going through a particularly tough time in their lives will find the will to get out of there, too.

I cannot say I am 100% recovered of course, and it will take a long time to overcome ways of thinking I kept "dearly" to myself for almost 22 years now, but right now, I feel like it is worth it. Creativity has a healing effect sometimes, it is unbelievable... :) If you DO want to know something or comment with your concerns or whatever, please do so. I really don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but ---- please don't give up. I know I don't know you all personally, but I strongly feel it is saddening I don't. Why? Because everybody has an enormous potential for personal growth, for creative endeavors, for making the world a better place inside of them, and I firmly believe this... Everybody is worth getting to know, everybody is worth speaking to. And I really believe that everybody has a piece of the puzzle hidden in their hearts, thus being an important part of the world's population... This includes YOU, too, my dear reader! :)

I don't really know what else to write about... There are so many things I could do, but right now, my possibly biggest wish is to go to bed (it is half past 11pm now)... The sleepiness is probably also the reason this sounds very weird now altogether, but I really mean it! You. are. special. A special little snowflake, if you wish. Whatever you want to be, it is a part of you already!

Okay, my bed is calling me, and I guess this is just a sign of being tired (Thanks for reading, though!)!

~S. R.

PS: I also learned that doing stuff because I want to do it & NOT to fill entries in my blog(s) is the best way to go. :)

PPS: Please comment with any feedback if you have that. Just constructive criticism, please, though. Thanks.

Attention seeker?

Recently, I saw a poetry contest on the website of one of the most popular women*s magazines in Germany, and even though I did not really read through what you could get as a prize (I*ve done so by now, though), I decided to join in and post a poem by me. The subject had to be linked to the topic of spring, and once I submitted my poem, I waited and waited and waited, and still didn*t see anybody voting my poem up.

"Unbelievable!" I thought, and I got really bitter. I started blaming not only myself but also everybody reading the poem and not voting up, especially since I felt like this step provided me with confrontation, as in, I felt like opening up my chest, grabbing my heart, and holding it up for others to maybe take it and love it, or to just trample it down, and the final feeling was : They chose the second option.

By now one person has pushed the "LIKE" button, but there are a myriad other pages filled with poems now and I guess, that was that? Or maybe not. I somehow feel like taking part in another competition, and another one, and another one, so many that I finally feel like I am contributing something that was made by me to everybody else, and I came to see by now that, well, who cares if people hit the "LIKE" button or not?! And who cares if I win the trip to the garden show?! I mean, it would be nice, of course, but it is not what defines me in the end.

I felt like I wasted so much time up to now, or I spent it shivering and shaking and being afraid of the "coming out" as an artist. I now feel like time*s shifting in my favour, whatsoever. No matter how many people*ll read and like what I wrote, it still is a part of me, and I am damn proud of taking this challenge!!

And, frankly, there is so much tough competition between creative people already, and people seem to define themselves concerning the amount of "likes" they got for their art, but one "like" cannot speak for how it made YOU feel in the first place to create this piece of art/writing/music/whatever. And that*s probably the most important thing. I once read you should not compare the entire path that led you towards your current self with the (seemingly path-less) present of somebody else.

So, there is no plan anymore. I want to try out things, experiment, and find myself in the mess I am creating :D. And I am pretty damn sure I will be very, very happy with this. *nods*

~The person who doesn*t make any sense.

THE COMING OUT.

Hello ...

Today isn*t one of the days I post something really creative, it is just some kind of "apology", even though it goes much deeper than this. I am currently wondering whether there really is a link between something like creativity in a general way AND being extremely depressive from time to time, and no, I do not mean "depressed" but really "depressive".

It somehow reminds me of the 99U talk Brené Brown has given which was posted on Youtube, even though it is really a question that is on my mind a lot. The talk is about creativity and vulnerability, and maybe this vulnerability is linked to being depressive in the first place. However, I don*t want to really put everything of this in the same box.

Somehow, I have been struggling with depression and it really kept me away from doing something I*d enjoy doing. I don*t know whether you know this, but when I personally am in a dark place mentally, I think I don*t deserve being happy, or I think that I don*t want to make a mess doing things I actually love doing, like, if I wrote a song in this state of mind, it would feel like being violent towards music, and this is a thing I don*t want to end up doing because music is important to me.

I really don*t mean to talk about stripping down to your soul and telling me what you are struggling with, unless you*d like to tell me, but ... It has been on my mind. Probably because I*d feel better then, because this would mean I have something I could always be proud of (But then again, how should I know this is me when I am never *doing* it?). Probably because it really is something that could help others because they*d understand themselves better.

Papercutting? Calligraphy? Art? Music? Ohhh, the love!! :)

Recently I went to the dentist with my mum*, so we sat in the waiting room and I looked around and found some papercuttings on the walls, and now that my curiosity was awakened, I really have been thinking about ways to make them myself. This didn*t really help me, so I went to Wikihow instead and found this tutorial ... I really found the idea of using papercuts in all variations great, but I won*t tell you too much about my plans.

What I will tell you, however, is that i am totally in "construction mode" right now, which is good :). I really want to do calligraphy now, for real. I once made something calligraphy-like for my granny* for Christmas, but then again, she couldn*t read it ... I felt rather sorry then for confusing her, but that*s not the subject right now.

Also, I am currently - along with "Lost Souls" (Poppy Z. Brite) and "Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon #6" (Naoko Takeuchi) - reading a book by Barbara Sher, called What Do I Do When I Want To Do Everything?, and it is very good. I followed the advice so far and really found some projects I could work on, for example, in my own room :). For example, I want to draw notes (Yes, yes, sheet-music-like!) onto the walls in the rehearsal room, and I want to make some furniture, or better said build something else out of them (Apart from the desk which I will really make myself ... With help, though ;)!), and I want to make, not a triptychon, but "one" image made of five (!) single pictures. And I want to have a corner with photographs & postcards & collages.

I need aaart~!! Also I started working on a new song on Friday. :) I hope I will be able to record it well & also to upload it.

What have you been up to? I really want to make an art journal, too, thanks go to Gala Darling & the person whose "Radical Self-Love Bible" she shared in her blog recently :). I am amazed because of this, so thanks for the inspiration!!

Hand me the Binford 6000, dear.

Aaand another entry ;). Did NOT want to forget about this after all. HOME IMPROVEMENT. Maybe you have read it already. We were/are currently working on my sister*s room & my two rooms. Since there*s nothing really to look at, but since I love the following picture so much, I will share with you the result of HOME IMPROVEMENT (Yes, that has to be written in capital letters) in my bedroom. My rehearsal room*ll get some sheet music attached to the walls ;), so ... Not quite finished!!

Anyways, BEDROOM :

I bed bet you all like this one, don*t you? The colour of the walls is turquoise, self-mixed, and the chandelier was one I got from a shop called Xenos. Don*t know if they still have it, though, but maybe you*ll want to search E*bay for that and this*d help you searching. Anyways, I must say I love this so much. I am looking forward to putting all my stuff in there :D, and into my rehearsal room, too, of course!!

Also, some more words on inspiration, or more like, a question ... Do bucket lists and lists of creative things you*d like to do ENCOURAGE you to follow them, or do they just pull you down? After all, I guess there are a lot of people who feel empowered by such lists, and I won*t blame them. I, personally, need to find my own way, but let*s talk about this another time :).

Have a fun day!!

Re-upload & some more words.

shrRî.ngAra karanA bleu - The Fallen Angel ~With Bleeding Wings~

Hello dears,

how are you all? I hope for massive happiness and excitement inside your hearts~. As you can see above, there*s a link to the song "The Fallen Angel ~With Bleeding Wings~". I uploaded it again since the old download link was deleted because it was too old, so click it, enjoy it, like it, comment to it, subscribe to it, and please teach me along the way that this is neither YT nor FB. ;P Nah, I really hope you like it. It is quite old actually!

I actually recently discovered that I really do need some encouragement every day - for many, this would*ve been something obvious actually. I came across a lot of motivating videos and words recently, and thought I should share them with you, so here we go :

•  Maybe you have watched this video beforehand; I really love it ... It is well-made, and the message itself is very encouraging, in any way possible. And it is not even that long.
• There is a song by the band Santa Hates You which is called "Sexuelle Unordnung", and despite it seeming to be really about sex in the first place, I think the message of the song itself goes way deeper than just to this layer of reality. To me, it really means that you have to walk your own path in life, that you should not give a damn about other people*s version of a "perfect life", and that you have to create your own freedom, instead of waiting for others to free you from the imaginary chains you put around your body when listening to others.
• Then there is TinyBuddha of course. I think I linked to this site beforehand, but it really does help a great deal to read through the texts they published on the site. Actually, when in doubt, I check out TinyBuddha :).
• And most likely, you have heard of the movie "The Secret" beforehand, too. I must say I get the vibe many people misinterpret the messages delivered in this movie, and that it is important to pay attention to it in detail ... Basically the movie*s about the Law Of Attraction. I heard about this beforehand, and thought, "Why should my wishes come true?", but then tried it out and I must say -- So far so many things I really wished for were fulfilled. The most important thing in the video imho is that it is is said that if you get the feeling that you could do something this or that way in order to achieve your goal, and you are scared of that or too lazy, you have to push yourself to do whatever came into your mind! Let*s say for example, you wished for a new friend, because you are new in town. You do the wishing, you also started using your imagination as a power tool to visualise how it would be to meet that new friend and spend time with them, what you*d do together, what you*d tell them, how you*d treat each other, etc. Once you have done this, the wish itself is not fulfilled yet; of course you have to work on it (And, to be frank, the movie itself never says at any part that the wish is brought to you without any effort from your side!) ... Then you have the idea, "I could go into a park", but the weather seems not that sunny or you are scared that you might say something stupid once you are there ... And here the magic of blocking everything happens. So, first of all, express your wish (Mentally, by writing, by singing it, by drawing/painting it, by ... Whatever comes to your mind really!), believe that it is reachable for you, trust your gut feelings, put effort into getting it done, and the right circumstances and people will be "delivered". That*s how I came to understand it, and it really works, believe me. You only need to find the passion hidden inside & believe in its might.
• And there*s another movie that I find very encouraging, called "Yes Man" (Yesyesyes, the one featuring Jim Carrey & Zooey Deschanel). It is an awesome video about staying open to new possibilities and the adventure of life all in all. Say yes to the opportunities arising. Of course you needn*t say yes to your spam mails, but if you want to do something and wished for this, you need to say YES to it in order to make it happen :D!
• Also, other blogs can be a source of inspiration, happiness and excitement. Same goes for your friends and family ... :) And, in some cases, reading through interpretations of one*s horoscope, numeroscope, or palms* lines can help. Why? Because you get to think about yourself. Is this true? Is this not true? You have to decide all that for yourself, and once you get more insight into your abilities, you will feel better. :)

I also recently made a bucket list and have worked on achieving those goals ever since. It goes greatly so far, and it is real fun. :) After all, you maybe cannot reach all those goals within a short amount of time, but it is a good feeling to be sure you are getting closer to them.

How do you stay motivated?

There is a place that only the night people know.

& Hello once again.

It is night time right now, hence the title. I am awake right now, too (Nooo, I guess you thought I*d be typing these entries while sleeping, eh? You were WRONG!).

The good thing about being awake at night time is that you have the most brilliant ideas (at least many people I know support these wise words ;D). However, I have been rather creative with ideas recently, too, no matter at what day time, and I want to share with you ...

... THE LIST. OF DOOM ... & PROJECT IDEAS!

My step sister*s pregnant right now, and I did promise a very close friend* of mine to make her one for each of her children, too : A quilt. I guess this is a project that demands some persistence, but still it is possible to do. I also recently saw some fabrics that were a-effing-mazing, and I really should do this!

Maybe I could make some (simple) music instruments. I actually used to have an instruction for this in a book :D. I also saw that some page (Thomann, I think) sells "Build your own electric guitar" kits, and this is a-effing-mazing, too, because I can ask my stepfather* to help me build it ... AND I can still work on the design/print myself and so on. I have never done this, though.

I want to craft some lanterns for Martin*s Day (because I love that day!). Also, kites are great, aren*t they? (Mhm!) I don*t mean those things you yourself hang in (even though that sounds exciting :D), but those things with some cord attached that you get to fly in the air then ... ^o^ Anyways, I want to make a kite myself. And a lantern!

Maybe some things I can wrap around books (like a wrapper). With related images to the single books ;).

I also want to maybe post some HTML (& maybe CCS) tutorials for web design.

Another idea is to make clothes for other people around me ... ^^ And I want to make a certain kind of belt for myself!! Won*t tell you the entire idea until it*s done, though. However, talking about this now, I also want to make clothes for myself :).

And besides that, I want to participate in the February Album Writing Month, because I miss composing & I really think it would be an awesome idea! And the National Novel Writing Month has to be successfully done, too. Maybe I will have the chance to go to a music festival next year, so I will need some things then, too.

I am also planning to write more songs, more poems, more stories (or any at all *hides*), and to draw and paint more/at all next year!! :) I hope you will like the results aswell.

Have a great time, until we meet again!!

I n s p i r a t i o n ?

Recently, I bought myself a collection of colo(u)red crayons. I think there were many included in this, and even though I did not have many good ideas as to how to (ab)use them, I will hopefully get to use them tomorrow. Or tonight; if I cannot sleep at all ... :D [I also want to write a few letters and maybe use them to make the pieces of paper more interesting after all. (But in a way that I will be able to write still ...)]

So please look forward to new pictures coming :).

I will not leave you with only promises; I really want to expand my creative ... projects and reach out for my possibilities. Therefore, I am thinking of giving you some advice. I find it was very nicely put in the following videos :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1E4aeCTg7s
("29 ways to stay creative".)
This has indeed very nice ideas as to what you can do to be more creative. Even though I do consider it creativity when you sit at your computer and create pieces of art/music/writing/etc. on it, but I am aware of the power of ideas you can have when not being on your computer. Sometimes they come randomly. What I think is really important is that you just let ideas come to you, and don*t try to bash yourself because of the quality of your ideas. Just try them out; it always happens to me then that I get better ideas for what I can do, also partly from the things I just wrote down!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JUFjTOM32g
("Best motivational video ever for creative people and startups".)
This one is more about an attitude you should keep in mind. I don*t want to go too much into detail, but it is eye-opening for me, and I think ... Well, if you really want to do something, if you have the idea, try it out. There is this option of trying and failing, but you can still stand up and create better ideas out of your options before! :)

I also recommend reading some texts on the following site; it has helped me countless times :
http://www.tinybuddha.com
There is a lot of wisdom on this site, and I just love the ideas and attitudes ... And I can still find myself in them. (My favourite recommendation thus far was about how to make decisions. Just write your options down on a piece of paper, cut each option out, fold them together and put them in something like a hat, a box, or whatever; then draw your option. If you feel unhappy about your result, this is not the right decision to make :) ...)

So, yeah, I will wander off now, and most likely get creative. I usually spend that time sleeping, but right now I am not feeling tired at all. A possible YAY for that! I will upload it as soon as possible then.

Sorry that this didn*t include anything "artistic" from me. I just wanted to share this with you and maybe cheer you up. (BTW, I do think everybody is creative in a certain way. It is just a matter of how people look at things ... Creativity also comes from excitement, and excitement comes from love/loving what you do.)